The FARMGOLF NEWSLETTER
FarmGolf PGA Results, FarmGolf Bi-annual Meeting Minutes, FarmGolf Wellness Report Debuts, New Nine Irony Poem about the New No. 1, FarmGolf’s 1st Intern Hired, The Demise of the Las Vegas Course, FarmGolf WVU Tailgate “The 3rd Season” Begins, 2nd European Marketing Trip Begins, 1st FarmGolf Fed-ex Cup Set for Sunday, September 16th, Lawsuit Update
Founded in the Year 2000 – The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth about FarmGolf
2007 FarmGolf PGA Results
(FGP) Three 3-man teams of FarmGolfers, a host of protesters and several of our regular spectators showed up early to either watch the events of the August 12, 2007 FarmGolf PGA or to vent their frustrations.
As a result of great publicity throughout Barbour County in late July, 2007, a number of people discovered FarmGolf and eagerly awaited the daily “changing of the guard” on a very popular game of local origin.
Some of the “so-called employees” who made this game possible called a strike for August 10, 2007, just days after the Bi-annual Meeting of FarmGolf. With the rumors of a $35,000 minimum salary for all FarmGolf part-time employees making the rounds, these “so-called employees” were demanding a share of the pie.
A number of local protesters, with a show of support from several national figures, showed up an hour before the tournament to protest losing their “jobs” with FarmGolf. While the minutes of the FarmGolf Bi-annual meeting below prove otherwise, the protesters, as citizens of the United States of America, have the right to express themselves.
2007 US FarmGolf PGA Scoreboard
2007 US FarmGolf PGA Gallery
FarmGolf Bi-annual Meeting Minutes
(FGP) The meeting was called to order by the Commissioner at 7:00PM on August 6, 2007. Members present were as follows:
Mike Green, Tiffani Green, David Miller, David Smith, Bill Bowers, Rob Mitchell, Lynn Phillips, Neil Creed, Bill Smith, G Sparks, Evan Heatherly, John Mosesso, John Johnston, Josh Halfin, Larry Smith, Debra Hamerski, Tom Wolfe, Chet Walker, Tom Schiefelbein, Ed Thorne, Miles Runner and Rachel Domenico.
A list of invited guests, who had formally requested to speak to the Board of Directors, was also in attendance. The list of guests was as follows:
Terry Upton and Tony Baisi.
The Minutes from the February, 2007 Meeting were read by Rachel Domenico, Press Secretary. No corrections and additions were necessary.
The Commissioner then opened the floor to comments from the invited guests.
Mr. Upton stated: “Congratulations on an amazing web page. I especially like the pictures of the locals. Anyway, keep up the good work with the web site.
Mr. Baisi stated: “Just wanted to say thanks to you guys and a unique style of humor I can appreciatively relate to, the day is lightened.
I was disappointed to see (inaudible) go, that was absolutely classic!! Piss on them, if they can’t take a joke! Hell, I was planning on getting caught shoplifting just so I could make the board.
Keep the laughs coming and good luck on the course FarmGolfers”
The guest speakers then received a standing ovation.
The next item of business was the FarmGolf lawsuit by Lindsay Lohan. At this point, FarmGolf went into executive discussion for a brief discussion of the matter. The matter was referred to FarmGolf legal counsel.
Next, the attorneys of FarmGolf, discussed their topics as presented in the August 5th Newsletter.
John Johnston, Lynn Phillips and Chet Walker gave their presentations. A mild surprise occurred after Johnston completed his talk, as he turned in his resignation. He stated that he was moving to Hardy County to concentrate on poultry farming.
Finally, Tom Wolfe gave an informative talk on FarmGolf’s new Brazilian initiative.
The final item of discussion was salary adjustments for all FarmGolf employees. With no pay increases being approved since November, 2005, a motion was made by Mr. Mitchell to adjust salaries upward by 30%. The motion was seconded by Mr. Wolfe and passed unanimously.
Also, the minimum base salary for all part-time employees was proposed at $39,500. This figure was somewhat higher than had been discussed in previous company email correspondence.
A motion was made by the Deputy Commissioner to approve the proposed salary structure. The motion was seconded by Deb Hamerski and passed unanimously.
The ongoing problem of being without a Marketing Director was discussed. This position has been vacant for some time. Tiffani Green presented a petition, signed by all members of the FarmGolf U-Team, stating that this position should be filled by some individual living within an hour of FarmGolf.
After a heated discussion lasting over 30 minutes, it was resolved that although this position had given us much publicity, the individuals previously holding this position had also given us a significant degree of negative publicity in the process, and that the position of FarmGolf Marketing Director would be terminated.
The Commissioner then stated that he had a surprise regarding the Board of Directors. Presently, there are only three members of the board. These individuals have several duties, one of which is receiving and reviewing legal documents. It is, therefore, the recommendation of the Commissioner to double the size of the Board of Directors, so as to allow twice as many individuals to receive legal documents, and in turn, to sign off on legal documents.
The following names were placed into nomination:
G Sparks
Deb Hamerski
Lynn Phillips
These members were unanimously elected.
A motion was made by new Board of Director, G Sparks, that a new position be created, the FarmGolf Intern, with the employment term varying from one single golfing event up to a maximum employment term of 90 days.
Upon conclusion of the employment period, the individual’s position would be terminated, unless a unanimous vote were recorded in the affirmative by all members of the FarmGolf Team. This should eliminate any future periods of an employee being an embarrassment to FarmGolf.
The motion was seconded by Lynn Phillips. The recommendation was approved by an 18-3 vote.
With no further business, the meeting was adjourned.
The FarmGolf Wellness Report Debuts
(FGP) Another new feature of FarmGolf made it’s debut on August 9, 2007. This report is presented as a public service by FarmGolf’s Head Nurse Deb Hamerski, who is now also a member of the Board of Directors.
A New Poem from Nine Irony
He Arrived from the Top & Now Is No. 1 By Nine Irony
He floated down from on high like an angel you see,
The best dressed FarmGolfer, in peace and harmony.
He golfed his rounds without setting foot on the course.
Nike wishing that they could get him to endorse.
He is the Club Pro you see and deservedly so,
He won that last major with a little help from his Bros.
Somehow it feels right, bringing tears and a sniff,
If you didn’t already know his name is Dave Smith.
FarmGolf’s 1st Intern Hired
(FGP) By a 4-2 vote of the Board of Directors, the first FarmGolf Intern was hired on September 7, 2007. Lauren Caitlin Upton will be present at the next golfing event, and depending upon her performance will serve a maximum 90-day term. Caitlin has the following message for the fans of FarmGolf.
“I believe that all U. S. Americans should be aware of this sport, and be able to have maps that show where the FarmGolf courses are and stuff, and know it is the fastest growing sport in both the Iraq and South Africa.”
Caitlin will make her debut on September 16, at the next tournament, the Inaugural
FarmGolf Fed-ex Cup.
The Demise of the Las Vegas Course
(FGP) Many inquiries have been made as to the status of the Las Vegas Course, which was supposed to open last year. The site was on the southern end of the Aladdin Hotel and next to the MGM Grand. Well, due to the Aladdin Hotel selling out to Planet Hollywood, the new owners had no desire for a FarmGolf course.
FarmGolf’s legal team has been working on a satisfactory deal to terminate the agreement, since if they don’t want us, then we don’t want them. On July 20, 2007, a final agreement was signed by Mike Green, Tiffani Green and Bill Smith of FarmGolf to terminate the planned course for 2.1 million dollars.
FarmGolf will continue to look for another site to tap this ever expanding market.
FarmGolf WVU Tailgate “The 3rd Season” Begins
(FGP) The 3rd season of the FarmGolf Tailgate kicked off at Mountaineer Field on September 2, 2007. A new page illustrates 22 pictures from the home opener, with a few of them shown here.
2nd European Marketing Trip Begins
(FGP) The Mayor of Munich commissioned a song as a Kickoff to FarmGolf’s Upcoming Visit to Oktoberfest in Germany.
FarmGolf, FarmGolf – LaFee, 2.9 MB mp3, 160 kbps, Time of 2:19
The Commissioner and Deputy Commissioner will arrive on September 24, 2007 for 4 nights. They will then travel through Salzburg, Vienna, Prague and Berlin over the next two weeks, promoting FarmGolf and the FarmGolf way of life.
The trip to Germany, Austria and the Czech Republic will be the second phase of European Marketing. Next year’s marketing plan has not yet been formulated.
1st FarmGolf Fed-exCup Set for Sunday, September 16th
(FGP) The first installment of the FarmGolf Fed-ex Cup will be held on Sunday, September 16, 2007, with tee times of 1PM to 2PM.
3-man teams, with the option of pre-picking your team. One golfer from 1 through 5, a second golfer from 6 through 17 and the third golfer 18 or below or a rookie that has never played FarmGolf.
Each team will play three rounds of golf for a total of 18 holes. This is a free event, with no $10.00 per golfer fee.
A separate covered dish item is requested of all golfers.
FarmGolf Lawsuit Update
(FGP) The case of Lindsay Lohan vs. FarmGolf was dismissed for lack of evidence. The suit, involving the 1st FarmGolf Celebrity Newsletter, was not thought to have any legal merit at the time of filing in back in July of this year.
So, Judge Judy will not be making an appearance in Philippi, after all. This event would have been quite entertaining, as any event involving FarmGolf usually is.
