FarmGolf Celebrity Newsletter

 FarmGolf                         The World's Fastest Growing Sport  

Issue No. 1 – September 14, 2006

Inaugural Edition  with Special Guest Celebrity


As many of you know, my first visit to FarmGolf was in December, 2003.  As a guest at the annual FarmGolf banquet, I became aware of a new and really cool sport.  It’s no wonder that over the past few years that FarmGolf has become the world’s fastest growing sport.

Things have gone quite well for me since my visit, until some recent trouble near my home in California.  That’s why I’m sharing the following tips with you regarding “Drink driving” as they call it in Australia and the U. K.  But most of you in the U. S. are probably more familiar with the term “drunk driving”.

Mel's Drink Driving/Drunk Driving Tips

1.  Keep your driver’s license, insurance card and registration handy.  A good place to do this is your car’s sun visor.  While you probably keep your driver’s license in your wallet, you should always keep the other two items in the car.  This way, you can hand all three items to the policeman as he approaches your car.

2.  Keep a package of breath strips in or near your console.  Before you’ve gotten all three of the items in Tip No. 1, put a couple of breath strips in your mouth.

3.  Now for you drinking/dope smokers, another tip.  Have a can of original Ozium in your car, ready to spray things down.  This will quickly get rid of any marijuana odors.

4.  While cruising the highways, never tilt your head back while taking a drink.  Learn to keep your head perfectly still, while tilting the drink toward your mouth.

5.  Always buy gasoline at places where you can use your credit card at the pumps.  A drunk does not need to go into a convenience store stumbling around, when a local policeman is also in the store getting coffee.

6.  Stay at or below the speed limit.  An obvious strategy, as a speeder that is drunk can get into more trouble than a speeder not drinking.

7.  Always keep your beer can or bottle below the bottom of the car windows.  Never take a drink until no one can see you.

8.  When driving on divided highways, more so than two lane highways, hide your can or bottle while passing 18-wheelers.  They can easily look down into your vehicle and see your alcoholic beverage.  Try to pass the truck quickly, minimizing the chance of them visualizing an illegal beverage.  It is a known fact that Christian Truckers will call 911 if they spot you, so take precautions.

9.  While driving late at night and feeling tired, concentrate on the road, do not cross the lines in the middle or the edge of the road.  One crossing of the line, and you might see lights flashing behind you.

10.  Finally, be smart and don’t do anything stupid.  Believe me, I’ve learned my lesson, and that’s why I’m sharing these tips with you.

DISCLAIMER The FarmGolf Celebrity Newsletter presents the opinions of our guest celebrities and does not necessarily represent the views of FarmGolf.