The FARMGOLF NEWSLETTER
Green-Bowers Team Wins Doubles Match
Heatherly Wins Singles Match in Front of
the Largest Crowd in FarmGolf History
Snowblowit Terminated
Masters Tournament Two-Man Division Highlights
(FGP) The first FarmGolf Masters Golf Tournament had a large turnout in both the Individual and 2-Man Divisions. Top finishers in the 2-Man Division were Green-Bowers at -3 and Smith-Creed at -1. All other teams finished the day over par. The Club Pro was incapacitated due to a leg injury and was replaced by the Assistant Club Pro on the Commissioner’s Team. Perennial underdogs B. Smith and N. Creed, fresh off a victory in their last outing were over-matched down the stretch as B. Bowers holed an eagle chip on the 10th hole. Picking up another shot on the 11th hole, the No. 1 team cruised on to victory by two shots.
On the seventh hole, the underdogs had a chance to take the lead, but both missed a 5-foot putt. Creed, again faced with the always present bout of Carlaiitis the morning of the tournament, tried to fight off the infection by drinking a quart of chocolate milk. But the alternative medication proved to be of little effect in battling the irritation.
While the eagle chip by B. Bowers was the highlight of the day, a drive by M. Green on the 7th hole will be destined for the Wide World of Sports infamous moments reel. Suffice it to say, the distance of the drive was minimal at best.
Masters Tournament Individual Division Highlights
(FGP) The top two finishers in the individual field were E. Heatherly at -1 and B. Smith at +2. Rounding out the top five were N. Creed, J. Green and D. Turner. J. Green got the competition off to a quick start with a birdie, but ran into difficulty on the second and third holes. A quadruple bogey and the shortest drive of the day on the 3rd hole quickly got J. Green out of contention.
The match quickly turned into a 3-way race as D. Turner also faded down the stretch. Creed finished at +3 for the day. Heatherly matched his previous best on the FarmGolf course by finishing under par. Rising star “Chip” Phillips was unable to attend due to a cultural engagement.
“Chip” Phillips teams up with Smith and Creed in Major FarmGolf Upset of Smith and Green
(FGP) Faced with five golfers showing up to play in a 2-man scramble on March 24th, the Club Pro and Commissioner agreed to make it a 3 on 2 round of FarmGolf. Turned out to be a big mistake for the No. 1 team as the previously unranked Phillips put on a clinic of his chipping prowess. Time and again, he bailed out the underdogs with the extra third shot available to the 3-man team.
The match ended with a 2 stroke advantage to the lesser ranked team. It had been rumored earlier in the day that Creed was once again battling a severe case of Carlaiitis and was possibly going to be a no-show. Creed stated “I have yet to get a handle on battling this illness. Just when you think that it’s under control, a major flare-up occurs.”
Joseph Snowblowit Laid Off Due to Lack of Snow
(FGP) A popular employee on the website, Joe Snowblowit, was terminated on April 1st due to lack of work. An employee that had earned top reviews for his unique talents in his first few weeks of employment, he just never fit in to the social atmosphere of the Clubhouse.
Continually wanting to wear his working clothes during social events led to his early dismissal. Several of the younger female FarmGolf fans stated that if he wasn’t full of snow, he was full of gas and let everyone know it.
The disgruntled employee had some parting words for the Board of Directors upon learning of his termination. He said, “I’ve worked my ass off to keep this course open during the winter months and nobody here really appreciated it.”
FarmGolf Board of Directors Makes Political Endorsements
(FGP) As a new sport that is planning on taking over the world in the next few years, it was only logical that the board would soon try to obtain some political clout. In this quest for power, the Board of Directors unanimously endorsed the following candidates:
L. Phillips for Family Court Judge and T. McDaniel for County Commission
