Contrary to rumors, I have not quit my job at FarmGolf. Paris Hilton is not a quitter!

As you know I’ve gotten engaged and now I’m disengaged. It’s been a whirlwind summer for me, far more bizarre than it has ever been.

Anyhow, there are some new stories and FarmGolf Gossip, which all of you tell me that you want to know what’s going on in the background of the world’s fastest growing sport.

Recently the FarmGolf Commissioner, Mike Green, and FarmGolf Photographer, Tiffani Swanson, came up to New York City to check out the recent NYC course upgrade. I promised both of them that I would get another issue of the Paris Report out very soon, covering their trip and the latest FarmGolf Music Release, Hide the Salami.


It’s been two years since I was turned on to FarmGolf, unfreaking-unbelievable.
I met up with the FarmGolf Commissioner and Photographer in Manhattan before the Cream Concert on October 24th. We had dessert and drinks at Lindy’s across the street from Madison Square Garden. (You can see it in the background of the below picture).

After the Cream Concert – L to R Ginger Baker, Paris Hilton, Eric Clapton, Jack Bruce, Tiffani Swanson and Mike Green


NYC Course No. 3 Tee


The concert was pretty rowdy, mostly older people there for obvious reasons. Afterward we hooked up with the band outside for a photo.

The next day, it was off to FarmGolf’s No. 2 Course at Central Park, where a new tee box was recently constructed for No. 3 Hole. The newer tee box gives people traveling along the street a good look at edge of the course.

We played a few holes in the afternoon until the weather turned bad. I like to watch it more than play it anyway.

New York City and FarmGolf are so frigging hot!

FarmGolf Music Update Hide the Salami Released on 11-01-05

Howard Dean, who I think is a really funny guy, has done another song for FarmGolf. Although I wasn’t around for his first release in January, 2004, Howard Dean’s Crazy Train, I had a great time listening to him do the song at Dubway Studios in Chelsea.

New Howard Dean Song Hide the Salami featuring Hillary Clinton as Guest Vocalist


Mike, Tiffani and I sat in on the recording sessions and Hillary Clinton even stopped by to add some background vocals.

The song is really cool, and I think Howie really rocks !! He even wanted to set up a meeting sometime soon so he could tell me what the song was really about. I can’t wait !!

Why My Marriage Plans Were Canceled

I’ve never talked about this to anybody else but my sister, and while there were many reasons for the cancellation, it came down to one or two things just not seeming right, one of which wasn’t a big thing if you know what I mean.

Sure, my former fiancé Paris didn’t have a job or much responsibility, but who am I to question that for a reason to breakup.  I guess I thought that the Greeks didn’t have small ships, but I was wrong. I’m saying no more.

  FarmGolf Fall Classic

The team of Creed, Green and Swanson won the October 16th 2-man and 1-woman tournament. Finishing in second place were Mosesso, Heatherly and Hawkins. Tournament MVP was Neil Creed.


My sister Nicky is hot after a Top 20 FarmGolfer …. It’s been said that Jonitis is a much nastier disease than Carlaiitis …. Did you know that the No. 2 FarmGolfer would have been the No. 1 FarmGolfer, if only he had shown up for the last tournament …. The Club Pro may very well not seek re-election in 2006, opting for a new adventure …. You haven’t lived until you’ve heard Senator Robert C. Byrd sing “Amazing Grace” …. The 2006 FarmGolf Calendar is supposed to be a whole lot sexier …. Teresa Kerry hasn’t had a drink in over a year …. Turtleneck season has officially arrived …. Some really hot action goes down in the Clubhouse after hours …. The Women’s Tournament had some revealing moments in more ways than one, there are supposed to be at least six reasons not to miss next year’s tournament …. Word has it that a Ukrainian girl will be playing in next year’s tournament …. Another Celebrity Golf Challenge Tournament will occur in the spring …. The FarmGolf Banquet will likely be held earlier this year …. Is the delay with the new S.H.I.T. Page, maybe due to some procrastination …. One of the coolest things about FarmGolf is “The Feed”, it’s done all of the time at the WVU Football Games ….. Umm-ppauuhht !