The FARMGOLF NEWSLETTER


2008 FarmGolf Masters Results, The Democrats Come to FarmGolf, New Nine Irony Poems, Gucci 1991-2008, Upcoming WDTV Story on FarmGolf, US FarmGolf Open Set for Sunday, June 15th


Founded in the Year 2000 – The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth about FarmGolf

2008 FarmGolf Masters Results

(FGP) Fifteen FarmGolfers, forming four teams, played 18 holes against an inclement weather forecast of rain for the afternoon. Weather turned out to be a non-factor as the rain duration was less than an hour for the entire tournament with a temperature reaching the low 50s.

Three rookies played in inaugural 2008 major, with two of them ending up on the winning team. The team of Bowers, Bowers and Fitzwater had an up and down round, going form -3 to +1 to -5 and ended up in second place.

The winning team of Smith, Green, Wise and Hayes steadily improved their play each round to win by two strokes. Four-man teams were the norm as players kept arriving every 10 minutes or so after the beginning of the tournament. As it turned out, there should have been 5 teams, but what happens at FarmGolf happens at FarmGolf.

2008 FarmGolf Masters Scoreboard

Trees are budding for the 2008 Masters
Winners at the No. 6 Tee
Bowers, Bowers and Fitzwater leaving No. 1 Tee
Rachel and Deb at the Clubhouse
4th Place finishers at No. 5 Green
Rookies Randy Wilson and Tony Hayes look on after the tournament

 

The Democrats Come to FarmGolf

(FGP) The end of legal actions against FarmGolf came to a conclusion on May 11, 2008, as the final item in the settlement of a 2007 Lawsuit against the FarmGolf Board of Directors. The 2007 lawsuit, which came to be known as the “Orange Complaint” had a long list of items to be followed in the final agreement. Item 42, the final item in the settlement list, stated that “the Democratic Party of the United States of America, which has long been the subject of FarmGolf ridicule to both the party and it’s constituents, shall at their pleasure and discretion hold a fund-raising event on the grounds of FarmGolf at anytime within 2 years of the final signed agreement” at the birthplace of the “world’s fastest growing sport”.

So, it was that on May 1st, a certified letter was received at FarmGolf stating that the holding of a day long event at FarmGolf would be scheduled on May 11th and that FarmGolf and it’s participants “should get used to it, ’cause it’s gonna happen”.

FarmGolf had no legal recourse, and accepted the fact that the Democrats could attend, and in effect, “do their thing”. FarmGolf’s Photographer, Tiffani Green, was instructed to keep a visual diary of this event and some of her pictures are shown and described as follows:

Hillary Clinton talks to crowd at FarmGolf while waiting for Barack Obama
Former President Bill Clinton speaks outside the Commissioner’s Residence
Neil Creed Discusses Sausages with Chelsea Clinton at the FarmGolf Clubhouse
Local Democratic Prosecutor, Lynn Phillips, and No. 3 FarmGolfer in the World, Larry Smith, are entertained by a Dancing Waiter
Hillary Clinton Takes a Turn at the Robert C. Byrd Urinal in the FarmGolf Clubhouse
Eliot Spitzer relaxes in the main FarmGolf Pond with a few young ladies

The fundraiser lasted until the early hours of Monday morning hours of May 12th, as the course was trashed with various types of alcoholic litter, used condoms and drug paraphernalia.

FarmGolf hired a contingent from the Tygart Valley Regional Jail to perform cleanup work, and as luck would have it, a few of the cleanup crew had actually been a party to the trashing of the FarmGolf course.  It is with great relief that FarmGolf can now get on with it’s normal functions, now the Item 42 of the 2007 Lawsuit has been fulfilled.

We feel confident that the next scheduled event at FarmGolf, Celebrity Golf Challenge No. 4, which is coming later this summer will be a much more wholesome event.

 

New Nine Irony Poem

What Increases Long Life?
By Nine Irony

I am often strong you see,
Or the last thing you say.
Some are called by me,
Others make it happen their way.
You may go along with me,
Because you have no power to stay.

HINT: The answer to the first poem is in the title. Each line of the poem refers to it.

The FarmGolf Pet, Gucci

1991-2008

(FGP) Gucci Green, was born on April 19, 1991 and passed away on May 19, 2008.

He is now resting at his favorite daytime sleeping spot, which is on top of the speaker in the family room.

Ode to Gooch
By Nine Irony

For 17 years he saw you through thick and thin.
More than few secrets he kept till the end.
Fluffy and grey with eyes all a glitter,
Each downloading session he’d attend free of litter.
He loved FarmGolf and those glorious sand traps.
He’d think to himself before taking a …nap.
For a better friend and companion Mike could not have wished,
Here’s to you Gooch, you will be missed.

WDTV Sports Is Coming to FarmGolf

(FGP)   We were notified on May 28, 2008 email that FarmGolf is to be featured in an upcoming “Hole of the Week” segment.

We responded the next day and this event will be scheduled soon, with a report in the next newsletter on the WDTV sports coverage of “world’s fastest growing sport”.

 

Next Tournament Set for Sunday, June 15th

(FGP)   The 6th US FarmGolf Open will be played, as usual, on Father’s Day.  Play will begin at 2PM, which should allow for those that are habitually late to actually be here on time.

3-man teams will be picked, according to their Top 25 Ranking, with each golfer paying the $10.00 greens fee.

A covered dish item is requested of all golfers and spectators.

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