FarmGolf Newsletter – Volume 9, Issue 3 – September 26, 2005

The FARMGOLF NEWSLETTER

FarmGolf PGA Winners – Smith, Creed and Smith,    Women’s Tournament Ends in Sudden Death Playoff, Nine Irony Is Back,   Preliminary Plans Completed for Las Vegas Course,   Fall “Mixed” Tournament Scheduled for October 9th,  FarmGolf.com Tailgate Opens

Founded in the Year 2000 – The Whole Truth and Nothing But the Truth about FarmGolf

World’s Slowest FarmGolf Team Comes Out of Playing-time Rehab to Win the FarmGolf PGA

(FGP)  It was another hot day for golfing action, when the last of the four 2005 majors got underway on August 14th.  Five teams were scheduled for action this day, with newcomer Miles Runner teaming up with The Commissioner and Club Pro.  Two other golfers making their FarmGolf Major debut were Ed Thorne and Coty Thorne.

The team of Neil Creed, Brian Smith and Chad Smith got a Board of Director’s Exemption to play together again after being reprimanded for slow play at the British FarmGolf Open four weeks earlier.  However, after attending a “How to Play Golf in a Timely Manner” seminar and passing the post-seminar exam, the team was eager to show that it would have no trouble playing “on the clock”.

The tightest event in FarmGolf history had four teams at 2-under par after 12 holes, with the 5th team only a stroke back at 1-under par.  The winning team made an eagle on No. 4 to finish the final round at 5-under par and were victorious over the team of Josh Halfin, Curtis Bodkins and J. R. Fitzwater by one stroke.

2005 FarmGolf PGA Scoreboard

Women’s Tournament Ends on First Hole of Sudden Death

(FGP)  The 2005 Women’s FarmGolf Tournament featured two new players, Becky Haddix and Tina Walstrum.  The first six holes ended with the team of Hayes, Millione and Walstrum leading by one stroke.  A birdie on No. 3 was the difference on the first round.  Players then retired to the Clubhouse for some food and refreshments.  Evan Heatherly was the celebrity bartender for the afternoon, serving only the finest and strongest beverages.

Caddies and coaches accompanied the players around the course during play throughout the day.

The second round of play saw Kelly Hawkins substituting for Tina Walstrum, who developed a mild case of Jonitis upon completion of the first six holes.  The Jagermeister team of Voreh, Swanson and Haddix took a new outlook into the second round of play and ended up tying the match, as Hayes, Millione and Hawkins took a “nine” on Hole No. 6.

Sudden death began on Hole No. 5, with Rhonda Millione sinking a 4-foot putt for the win.  While the second place team came up one shot short, it was believed that the more fun women’s team actually came up “several shots” ahead.

2005 Ladies Tournament Scoreboard

2005 Ladies Tournament Gallery

  Preliminary Plans for Las Vegas Course Completed

(FGP)   As mentioned in the last newsletter, FarmGolf is expanding beyond the present home course in West Virginia and the New York City course that was built in 2003.  The initial phase of the third FarmGolf course is three (3) holes.  FarmGolf purchased a lot adjacent to the Aladdin Hotel and across the street from the MGM Grand on the Las Vegas Strip.  The three hole course will have adjacent parking and another three holes are planned for 2006.

The eventual course layout will allow golfers to pass through the casino between the third and fourth holes, making the purchasing of a drink or doing a little bit of gambling while enjoying the FarmGolf experience of the world’s fastest growing sport.  The map below shows the location of the proposed facility and all adjacent structures.

Nine Irony Ends His Strike with a New Poem

(FGP)   Nine Irony ended his strike last month, signing a new 3-year $75,000.00 contract with a $25,000.00 signing bonus.  This is the first of a minimum 18 poems that must be provided to FarmGolf over the duration of the contract.

Running on Season’s End – Nine Irony

So we’ve reached the season’s end
Of the line for FarmGolfing my friends
All gathered at the course you see
It all started on Aug 14th

Was the date the men all gathered
Their clubs all worn and tattered
Were the players from the heat
Was on as five teams compete
With each other we sure did
Our best to be FarmGolf’s star kid.

OK – enough running on.
That’s not the way a good poem is done.
Here is the story of the men’s tourney.
Then I’ll follow with the ladies story.

The men played two rounds of six,
Before taking a break to get their kicks.
After which, the scores were posted.
Four teams were tied and no team was toasted.

Then they played the final round.
There were no hackers to be found.
When it was all said and done,
There was only one team that won.

But even though they did not win,
They went from last to third as neat as a pin.
“Who is that team?” the cheering fan barks.
And the answer returns Smith, Voreh, and Sparks.

As tournaments go, the men’s was tame.
It is the ladies who know how to play the game.
Two teams competed this day you see.
And they both played more than satisfactorily.

The “Incredibles” had Sandy, Rhonda, and Tina,
While the “Free Spirits” were Tiffani, Becky, and Maria.
They started the play with the men as the caddies.
The clubhouse was rockin’ and bartender Evan was chatty.

Tina had never golfed before,
But sunk a put to go one under par.
After Rhonda put them on the green.
This was enough to win the first round clean.

It was decided to play second six.
The “Incredibles” put Kelly in the mix,
Tina played well don’t you know,
But, unfortunately, she had to go.

The second round went a little slower.
The Jaeger-bomb dropped, what a mind blower.
“Evan is gay?” – DEFINITELY not.
But his come backs aren’t too hot!

And could someone tell me, “Who the hell is Lonnie?”
He keeps calling Evan and interrupting his story.
Back to the golf, these sideline antics,
Didn’t make the Free Sprits panic.

Sometimes they were three, sometimes six.
The caddies kept working despite extra sticks.
When the round ended to everyone’s surprise
Would you believe the thing was a tie?

Sudden death it was, the pressure was on.
They teed off and sky wanted to storm.
The Incredibles prevailed and that’s no joke.
Super Rhonda made the putt to win by a stroke.

Thus ends the season of FarmGolf this year.
Put away the clubs drink up the beer.
Because you know we must turn our attention,
To the Mountaineers and the Big East contention.

You’ll hear from me next after the Christmas party.
I promise you that I won’t be tardy.
And for my fans who are fanatically,
Next season I’ll write and not take sabbatical.

  Fall Classic Tournament on Sunday, October 9, 2005

(FGP)   The final tournament of the 2005 season will feature three players per team, two men and one woman.  The mixed triples will play either 12 or 18 holes depending upon turnout.  Play will begin around 1PM.

All participants should bring a covered dish item for the FarmGolf buffet.

FarmGolf.com Tailgate at WVU Football Games

(FGP)   FarmGolf is now sponsoring a tailgate at all West Virginia University home football games.  This will allow individuals or groups to become acquainted with the world’s fastest growing sport.

Look for the FarmGolf.com banner, shown in the below picture, flying in the Blue Lot between the northern end of the stadium and Ruby Hospital.